11 Major Misconceptions That Are Holding You Back From Finding Peace and Happiness

You don’t need to become something, gain something, or acquire something in order to find true peace and happiness. You need only to realize your own perfect nature right here in this moment.

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This is an exclusive preview of Zen for Everyday Life: How to Find Peace and Happiness in the Chaos of Everyday Life. Writing for the book is complete and I'm now in the process of reviewing and proofreading it. I've been blown away with how great the book turned out and couldn't be more excited to get it into your digital hands (this book delivers some serious value). Learn more about the book here and sign up to be notified the day it's released. _________________________________________

When I was younger, I’d always get money on my birthday. As a kid, naturally, I loved it. With money, I could go to the toy store and pick out whatever I wanted, as opposed to getting gifts that I may or may not have wanted.

Every year was the same, I’d end up with $100, maybe $200, and be free to use it for whatever I wanted. I still remember the feeling. At that age, there were few feelings as good as having a small wad of cash in my hand and the freedom to do with it what I pleased.

But something happened as I got older- the feeling began to fade. I suppose it was probably because I began noticing how fleeting the happiness I’d get from such situations was. Whatever the reason, I still remember what it felt like.

I was just sitting there staring at the money thinking “there’s nothing I want to buy with this money”, almost in a state of shock. I sat indefinitely thinking of what I might want to buy, almost in disbelief and with sadness at the fact that there was nothing I desired to buy with my money.

But it didn’t work. I couldn’t think of anything. Money just didn’t have the same effect on me anymore.

But what was probably the most memorable part of that experience was the feeling that followed after that: contentment. A subtle, but warm, feeling of contentment washed over me moments after my realization.

I hadn’t only realized that money no longer had the same effect on me, I had also realized in that moment that I didn’t need money in order to be happy. I’m grateful to have had this realization at such a young age and have carried it with me ever since.

When it comes to finding peace and happiness, essentially the overall aim in life for all people whether they realize it or not, there exists a number of major misconceptions. And these misconceptions can make us live our entire lives chasing illusions, running into dead ends, and ultimately suffering far more than is necessary.

We’re convinced that in order to find peace and happiness we have to neglect our own well-being. Or rather, that if we do so we’ll get there faster. But we believe this is OK, because once we get there all of our problems will vanish and a state of perpetual happiness will have replaced it (happily ever after). But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

What we really want is to find peace and happiness. But our idea about what that actually is couldn't be more off the mark. Imagine you’re climbing a mountain. You believe that on the other side of this mountain exists the happiness you’re searching for. You believe that beyond all the headaches, beyond all the rushing around, and beyond all the sacrifices lies peace.

But you get to the other side of the mountain and…nothing. You look behind you and the mountain is gone. You turn back around and…there it is again- the mountain. It’s then that you realize you’re caught in a deadly cycle.

This is the rat race. And it’s what modern life has convinced us is the path to peace and happiness. But unfortunately, unlike this example, most of us never realize we’re just spinning our wheels. These are just a few examples of the many misconceptions we’ve fallen for with regards to the path to true peace and happiness.

A Special Pair

As you know by now, Zen for Everyday Life is about helping you find peace and happiness amidst the chaos and craziness of your everyday life. But what I haven’t explained yet is that this book is extremely actionable.

Zen for Everyday Life is filled with steps you can take to create measurable results immediately from the moment you put the book down. Each and every chapter is filled with exercises meant to help you find greater peace, joy, and bring harmony to you in your everyday life even amidst all the usual craziness. And this chapter introduces the very first (and a very important) exercise.

I want you to imagine you’re wearing a special pair of lenses. Have you seen those old flip lenses with the sunglass lenses that flip up to reveal eyeglass lenses? I want you to imagine you have a pair of those on, but a really special pair.

How special? So special that you have as many as nine colored lenses, one on top of another. The purpose of this chapter is to begin the gradual process of lifting each one of those lenses, one after another, until you can see with perfect clarity.

What are these lenses? They’re the various misconceptions that I just touched on, wrong perceptions about the way that the world works that hold you back from finding peace. Before you can become truly at peace you need to understand why you do what you do.

Much of us operate on what’s been deemed “common sense” by the collective consciousness. But a lot of this common sense is false and steers us in the wrong direction. This leads to us searching for peace and happiness where it does not exist.

We’ve developed intricate myths and misconceptions that color our perception and make it impossible for us to see real peace and happiness even if it was staring us in the face. These are the various colored lenses which you wear over your eyes.

This chapter can be a lot to take in, so at the end, I’ll provide a fully summary to recap everything we’ve covered. For now, the exercise is to do just two things:

1. First, simply let each misconception sit in your mind and don’t try too hard to figure any of them out. Some of these might lead to sudden realizations while others will take some time to realize. Think about them for a moment from time to time as you go about your day and see what thoughts naturally arise as a result of thinking about a particular misconception.

2. Second, as you go about your everyday life try to observe how these various misconceptions have affected what you do on a day-to-day basis. Go deep here, don’t do yourself a disservice by staying on the surface level due to your ego or something else giving you some push-back.

These two exercises will allow you to slowly uncover the root of each misconception and to distance yourself from it, and the proceeding chapters will show you the true way to peace and happiness that sees through these many illusions. Whatever happens, approach them with a clear mind and have patience- the process of uncovering the truth can take time.

1. Letting Go of the Myth of Trading Time (and Ourselves) for Happiness

…by neglecting your well-being you’re just postponing your own peace and happiness.

The first misconception is the myth that we need to neglect our well-being in the present in order to “get ahead” in life and ultimately earn happiness at some yet-undetermined date in the future. This idea is rampant in the modern world, where businessmen and women work long and hard hours in order to make a better life for themselves and their loved ones. But this effort is misguided.

It won’t result in you finding true peace or happiness because you’re constantly chasing a dream and neglecting yourself (and often, your loved ones as well). Any thought, and any idea, we have that we need to acquire something, become something, or do something special in order to find happiness is misguided.

Peace and happiness exist right here in this very moment, and any idea that either exists only as a result of acquiring something you don’t currently have is a myth.

You don’t have to give up a portion of your life, or yourself, to acquire the feeling that you’re seeking. It doesn’t exist in that life you’re imagining, it exists in your own mind and can be felt in this very moment. If you acquired all of those things that you desire, you’d see that it doesn’t bring you peace.

Sure, you’d feel a bit better about yourself and have some more peace of mind with regards to your finances, that counts for something, but it’s not the true peace and happiness you imagine you’ll acquire from achieving your goals. That only comes from turning inward to face yourself and realizing the beauty and significance of this moment.

But what if you’re working for your children? I know how it feels, I’d do anything for my children. We’re naturally inclined to want to give them a better life, as well as to neglect our own well-being in the process. For many of us, this is the purest act of selflessness we’ll experience in our entire lives. But you need to understand something very important:

Your efficiency, productivity, and overall performance in everything that you do is directly linked to your well-being.

Any idea that these things are separate is a misconception. When you walk, talk, type, think, organize, or strategize your mind and body work as one. It needs to put pieces together, shuffle things around so that it can look at things in new ways, and it needs to be free of mental clutter and obstacles in order to function at maximum creativity and efficiency. If you’re working to improve your own life or the life of someone else you care about, take care of yourself.

More importantly, though, by neglecting your well-being you’re just postponing your own peace and happiness. You can be happy and at peace right here in this very moment and still work just as effectively towards your goals, so don’t falsely convince yourself that you need to get somewhere first before you can be happy.

If you do that, you won’t ever get to that “somewhere”, it will stay off in the distance like a mirage in the desert. You won’t know why you’re not reaching it, because you keep “moving, moving, moving”, but you won’t. This can eventually lead to stress, frustration, a loss of hope, and altogether quitting on life.

Don’t believe the myth that you need to place aside your own well-being in order to find peace and happiness at the end of some imaginary rainbow. Big goals do take sacrifices, no one can argue with that, but they don’t require you to sacrifice your peace and happiness. And anything that does isn’t worth your time.

2. Letting Go of the Past and the Future

The present moment is life itself.

If you could step back and look at your life at, say, the age of 30 and see everything that’s held even the most minimal lasting effect on you, what you would see would disturb you.

Ever seen an 8-layer dip? It’s a dip made with various layers of salsa, guacamole, sour cream, melted cheese, among other things (and a dip I really, really like). Imagine that when you’re looking at these various lasting effects which have built up within you from years of life conditioning that it appears in much the same way.

Those times you were made fun of in high school represent a thin layer at the bottom, that difficult relationship from just a few years ago occupies a thick layer at the top, and all kinds of other past events as well as social and overall life conditioning, fill in the middle area.

Each of these events or constructs have contributed to conditioning you into the person you are today, and the total sum of this conditioning affects everything that you do.

But it’s because of this very thing that we need to learn how to let go of the past and the future. The past tugs at us constantly, pushing and pulling us because of various fears and the negative self-talk that we’ve developed over the course of our life.

The future leaves us daydreaming, imagining things will end up much worse than they ever do and ultimately nudging us away from reality, the only place that peace actually exists.

The past and the future are illusions, figments of either our memory (past) or imagination (future). They’re long gone memories, possibilities, or simply ideas never to be. It serves us to look back on the past and forward to the future in certain cases, but we should live grounded in the present moment.

We exist solely in the present moment. The present moment is life itself. Live totally and completely present in each moment and you’ll experience true peace by gradually releasing the bonds of fear and deep-seated negative self-talk and gain a deep sense of meaning in your life beyond what words can describe.

3. Letting Go of the Fear of Facing Yourself

If it weren’t for your stresses and difficulties, you wouldn’t ever be able to find peace.

Well-being, from pain and suffering to peace and what we perceive to be happiness, exist simultaneously as two parts of one whole. There’s no separating the two. It’s because of your pain, suffering, and stresses that you’re even able to find peace and happiness.

If it weren’t for your stresses and difficulties, you wouldn’t ever be able to find peace. There would be no peace to accomplish. You would be nothing but a blank white slate. In fact, you couldn’t even exist. There is no separating pain and peace, suffering and happiness, they are constantly playing at each other as the yin plays together with the yang.

So erase right now any idea that you need to, or can, run from your pain and suffering and lead any measurably peaceful life. It won’t ever happen. In order to find peace we must first find out how to transform our pain and suffering.

There’s no other way. We can’t find peace or happiness by ignoring our problems and trying to make lots of money, become successful, or acquiring false power. You’ll find peace and happiness by finding the courage to face yourself.

4. Letting Go of the Mirage of Excitement

When life takes your breath away, breathe.

True happiness isn't excitement, excitement is fleeting and deceptive. Because it’s such a strong position emotion, we tend to think that while excited everything is right. Why should we be cautious of excitement? Because it’s more akin to staring head-on into the headlights of a car than it is looking out from a window that gradually becomes clearer and clearer.

You can get excited when experiencing the beauty of nature or you can get excited when going out to drink with friends, so excitement itself isn’t any indicator of anything other than being in a high stimulus situation.

While excited, you’re blind to everything else. Nothing has actually gotten better, or gone away. You’re just in such a high emotional state that you don’t notice anything else. There’s nothing wrong with excitement in itself, but you need to be careful not to confuse it with true peace or happiness.

I’m not saying try not to be excited. Enjoy it, but exercise caution around it because it’s a strong illusion that convinces you that you’re happy, at peace, or have found a “right place” in your life when you actually haven’t.

Again, enjoy excitement, just don’t let it fool you. If you do this you can enjoy excitement while not being carried away by it.

5. Letting Go of the Idea of Everlasting Happiness

Peace and happiness must be maintained, and this is done with a daily practice that deeply touches reality and nourishes your mind and body.

Everything in life is impermanent, ever-changing, and peace and happiness is no exception. This is one of the most important points on this list.

Most of us are so convinced that once the right circumstances align for us we’ll be happy for the rest of our lives. A “happily ever after” syndrome brought on by movies, T.V. shows, and commercials over the past century, it’s a very real misconception that many suffer from.

There is no magical goal you can achieve that will make you happy for the rest of your life. Peace and happiness must be maintained, and this is done with a daily practice that deeply touches reality and nourishes your mind and body.

Develop a daily practice and follow it with diligence as a life-long pursuit. If you do this you’ll be able to cultivate a strong and resilient sense of peace and joy for your entire life.

6. Letting Go of Wanting Something Outside of Ourselves (and the Idea That Happiness Exists Only in One Place)

…an integral part of our negative self-talk as a collective species is the idea that we’re lacking something.

One of the single greatest misconceptions of all, and one that underlies many of the other misconceptions in this chapter, is the idea that happiness exists outside of ourselves.

The vast majority of people believe they need something outside of themselves to be happy. We think that we need to achieve, discover, or acquire something to be happy, but this couldn’t be more off the mark.

We do need certain things for our basic well-being: food, clean drinking water, shelter, and human interaction. But what we think we need to be happy aren’t the basic necessities for human survival, those of us that have those things often take them for granted and think that we need more such as a big house, a fast car, lots of money, or power over other people.  But none of these things will make us truly happy or bring any measure of peace to our lives.

What happens if we do get these things? They make us feel good for a short while, eventually losing their luster and bringing us back to where we started (or in a worse position). They force us into an infinite cycle of consumption just to keep ourselves feeling good.

This isn't true happiness at all, but an illusion developed from our collective consciousness (which includes all people in a society- the U.S. has a collective consciousness, Japan has a collective consciousness, your family is a collective consciousness on a smaller scale, and the internet has even developed its own global collective consciousness).

Whatever it is that we think we need, we think that we’re incomplete because of it and therefore won’t ever have a happy life until we get it. This is an unimaginably dangerous lie we tell ourselves because it makes us think that we’re inadequate or lacking in some way. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

We’re born absolutely perfectly whole in every way, and this means that peace and happiness comes from within. Catch yourself thinking anything less than that and you’ve just witnessed your negative self-talk in action. And an integral part of our negative self-talk as a collective species is the idea that we’re lacking something.

If you’re yet unsure of just how you’re going to find happiness without acquiring all those things which you’ve always desired or thought you needed, just hang tight. The entirety of Zen for Everyday Life is about showing you just how to do that.

7. Letting Go of the Idea That Happiness Is Different for Each of Us

…mindfulness in one’s everyday life, living deeply in order to develop a reverence for life as well as a sense of gratitude that pervades everything that you do, and learning how to live in peace with others and make your relationships prosper are fundamental principles which apply to all people.

You hear it everywhere: "What is happiness to you?" sums it up. We know that not everyone enjoys doing what we like to do, but does that mean that true inner peace and happiness, the kind we all strive to find, is found differently for each of us as well?

Those things which we enjoy doing, even passionately enjoy doing, are not what will bring us lasting peace and happiness. They’re what, for the most part, you’ll do with your life. And they’ll bring you a great sense of joy, but doing what you love isn’t enough. Within doing what you love you need to have the necessary ingredients.

It's romantic, that is, the idea that happiness is different for each of us. It's also convenient and allows us the affordability of not having to answer the tough questions like how to face our demons. And that’s what this myth amounts to: another way to avoid ourselves and not have to step outside our comfort zone.

True inner peace is found in the same way for each of us. That doesn't mean though that there’s only one path. Zen for Everyday Life by itself has more than 30 exercises which you can use to bring peace and happiness to your everyday life, and I don’t expect you to use all of them.

Depending on what you do in your everyday life certain exercises will work better for you than others. And some you’ll just prefer over others. But the most important point is that the basic principles are always there- greater awareness in one’s everyday life (mindfulness), living deeply in order to develop a reverence for life as well as a sense of gratitude that pervades everything that you do, and learning how to live in peace with others and help your relationships prosper.

These are fundamental principles which apply to all people. It might look a little different on the surface, but what we want is one in the same. And how we get it ultimately comes down to the same principles (principles which you can test in your own life).

8. Letting Go of the Idea of Advantages and Disadvantages

Erase all concept of advantages and disadvantages, challenges and lucky breaks, and any other place you attempt to divide reality.

Everything in life is like a coin. That is, everything in life has two sides or aspects, a positive and negative aspect, and this includes literally everything- even qualities like intelligence, beauty, and anger and conditions like depression. The two aspects are, in a way, one inseparable essence.

Don’t get down over having a perceived disadvantage, there is an advantage in it, you need only look closely. And appreciate, but be careful about, a perceived advantage as this comes with it proportionate disadvantages. There is no disadvantage or advantage, there is simply you expressing your true self, your infinite nature.

High intelligence? Be careful, you’re apt to overthink things, live in your head too often, overcomplicate, and be quicker to judge others. Quick to anger? Anger has a gold lining in that it’s the mind’s way of alerting you to something you think is wrong, so use that insight to discover what wrong perceptions you have and change them. Do you have depression? You have the ability to appreciate a deep practice such as what’s described in Zen for Everyday Life far more than most people, and this deep appreciation can ultimately lead to a much stronger practice.

Erase all concept of advantages and disadvantages, challenges and lucky breaks, and any other place you attempt to divide reality. These are all illusions, what you should be concerned with is living fully in the present moment and completely accepting of whatever comes your way.

9. Letting Go of Happiness

Akuna ma tata. It means no worries.

- Pumba, Disney’s The Lion King

What is inner peace and what relationship does it have to happiness? Think of inner peace as the prerequisite for true happiness. Peace is the state accomplished once one has reconciled, cured or come to terms with all erroneous mental factors, erasing the false constructs that plague the mind and keep it from finding peace.

Inner peace is a fortress for the mind. This is why it allows us to attain true happiness. The happiness acquired from attaining inner peace is unaffected by outside circumstances.

What most of us really want isn’t for everything to be exciting and bursting with pleasure every second of every hour. Sure, we all want some of that, but what most of us really want is just for those things which are perpetually bothering us to go away so that we can have room to breathe and rest simply in peace and simple joys.

We think we want to make more money. What we really want though is to stop worrying about money, whether it’s worrying if we’ll be able to provide for ourselves and our children or not or being held back by not making enough.

We want to stop being so stressed out all the time. We want to stop being angry at our parents, or our ex-husband or ex-wife or that person that wronged us. It’s less about what we want and more about what we don’t want.

Inner peace is the happiness most of us desire. Absolute peace is the cessation of our pain and suffering and pure contentment with the present state of your life (the present moment). Seek head-on to transform your pain and suffering and you’ll begin a beautiful journey of self-discovery that leads to a pure sense of peace and simple joys that pervade everything you do.

10. Letting Go of the Idea That Life is a Dark and Dreary Mess

The information we absorb from T.V. and the internet skews our perception of the world.

Many of us believe, due to the conditioning we’ve received growing up, that life is nothing but dark and dreary. It’s hard, tragic, and depressing, and there’s no getting away from it all. But this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Just as with everything else, in life, there’s equal positive to negative. The information we absorb from T.V. (particularly the news) and the internet skews our perception of the world. Step away from it all and experience life for yourself deeply in order to find the beauty and joy that exist in it alongside the hard times and tragedies.

The idea of the dark and dreary existence also leads to us believe that happiness is just an unattainable idea. But peace and happiness are not unattainable ideas at all, they can be accomplished with the right effort and further maintained through practice.

This misconception, like the others, is created completely and totally in our minds. This idea is perpetuated by the collective consciousness- the various levels of societies we live in starting all the way back with our immediate family and stretching out to the world at large.

The nightly news in most places, as well as headlines online, are just a weird combination of depressing and cute. They don’t really give us an accurate representation of what life is really like. But they do skew our perception, and that affects our experiences which then end up negatively affecting our entire life.

Let go of these negative influences and prioritize experiencing life purely for yourself. Put aside these assumptions and see what it means to live peacefully with your whole being.

11. Letting Go of the Myth That You’re Incomplete

Within you exists all the pieces necessary to lead a happy and peaceful life.

I touched on this earlier, but it’s such an important point that it requires its own section. This is arguably the most important misconception to let go of in this entire chapter. Much, or all, of what holds us back exists within this very misconception. That is, the idea that you’re missing something.

The myth of self-improvement exists within this point as well. Self-improvement will have you believe that you need to improve some aspect of yourself in order to have a happier life.

But to accept this means to accept that you yourself at this very moment are lacking something. That you’re altogether incomplete and undeserving of peace and happiness in this very moment. The thing is, it’s a lie. And because it’s a lie, it’s the most dangerous of all the various myths and misconceptions we tell ourselves. Because this is a lie, it becomes an altogether unattainable goal, and we end up hitting our heads against a brick wall all our lives trying to figure out what we’re lacking.

Stop believing that you’re incomplete. Stop believing that you need something or that you need to improve something before you can have a truly happy life. Within you exists all the pieces necessary to lead a happy and peaceful life. Stop believing the negative self-talk that pervades every moment of your life.

Many times, simply contemplating this very fact can be life-changing. When was the last time you said to yourself, “I am complete, I lack nothing to be happy and at peace. I can be happy right now in this very moment”? Decide now to stop thinking you’re incomplete and realize that you’re absolutely and utterly perfect just as you are.

27 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was Younger

While I thought that I was learning how to live, I have been learning how to die.

- Leonardo Da Vinci

The past is the past. In a very literal sense, the past doesn't exist. All that exists is the present moment, and the only thing we can change is the present moment.

But the past did exist. It was once the present moment and now occupies our mind with valuable insights. And these valuable insights can serve us, as well as others, well in the future.

I definitely have my fair share of experiences- a combination of mistakes and general challenges- that can serve as valuable insights for others.

My children are who I think of most when writing about something like this. I think about myself growing up, mostly wasting my years away in fear and reclusiveness (and then later, trying to make up for it in the wrong ways), and not wanting them to make the same mistakes that I did.

This is then, in some ways, written to my two sons. I want them to know all the things I wish I knew when I was younger. I want them to know all the most important insights I've received in my lifetime so that they can lead a fuller life earlier. I suppose my wish for this is only natural as a father.

For some time now I've planned on writing a book for them, placing in it all the insights I've received, and what little I do know about life, for them to keep with them for the rest of their lives. The more I think about it, though, it's more powerful to focus on what I can teach them when I'm with them experiencing life firsthand.

I know that they'll make their own mistakes, and I know that it's necessary for this to happen in order for them to grow strong and self-sufficient (in an emotional and mental sense). I'm totally OK with that, and I look forward to being of help to them if they decide to come to me for anything.

But I can also help to improve the quality of their lives by imparting in them what I know now. I know that this can have a powerful effect, as what our parents and those important figures around us teach us when we're growing up often has a significant effect on us for the rest of our lives.

This goes to the heart of the fact that you can create real change in the world right now if you decide to. Don't let others convince you that you can't make a difference- whether in your own life or the lives of others- that's just negativity without any basis in reality.

Take a moment to look around you and you'll find more than your fair share of stories of life-transformation and self-realization. I feel fortunate that I happened upon a more conscious path myself and was able to change my life for the better.

A Note On Regret:

It's natural to look back on our lives and think, "I wish I had known that back then." But this can sometimes lead to a strong sense of regret, a situation where we convince ourselves that we've somehow wasted our lives up until then.

But this is a misunderstanding about life at its very core. To have this regret is to be shackled by the need for confirmation of one's own self-worth. This is a thirst that will never be quenched because it's rooted in an insecurity which first needs to be overcome (and yet demands constant feeding).

If you can break the cycle of feeding, turn inward, and face yourself courageously then you'll be able to overcome this insecurity. It's your life that's at stake- you don't want to look back in another 20 years and have even more regret, do you?

The below list is one part letter to my younger self, one part letter to my children, and one part advice for anyone looking to improve the quality of their lives and realize their true selves. These are all things I'm reminded of, or live by, on a daily basis.

28 Things I Wish I Had Known When I Was Younger

1. The world is open to you

This is one of those points that I REALLY wish I knew when I was younger. You can open a business, you can write, you can go to school, you can travel, you can even study at a Buddhist monastery as a monk if you want.

You can do so much more than just go to college, get a basic degree, find a job, and live out your life in a 9-5. And this is truer today than ever before.

It might not always be clear exactly how you can make something like say, travel without a decent income, possible. But if you get creative you can find out a way to follow whatever path you choose.

Maybe it's not physically possible for you to be an NBA player. That's OK, you don't need something so specific to be happy and fulfilled, the real point I want to make is that you're not chained down like you might think you are.

I thought I had only one of a few options, and I wasn't aware of any desirable option that existed outside of going to school and getting a degree. But this couldn't have been further from the truth. Look around, get creative, talk to people, and you'll find you have more options than you think.

2. Work hard

Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy.

- The Weather Man

The value of hard work wasn't instilled in me until I was in my 20's. All throughout school I had no concept of hard work, and never had any idea that whatever I applied myself to, however difficult, I'd be able to do.

I'd later find this out in my 20's, and it was nothing short of a revelation for me. It's not just some old played out saying, you really can do (just about) anything you put your mind to. That is, as long as you back it up with hard work.

Make sure to keep things in perspective, though. I don't mention this point so that you can be compelled to go out and work for a sports car and a mansion, as this is misguided for other reasons (if that's the case, ask yourself why you want those things).

Rather, I say this because anything of value takes hard work, even a daily meditation practice done for the purpose of removing negative self-talk and finding peace within yourself. The knowledge that not only is hard work required to accomplish anything of real value, but that with hard work you can actually do anything, is one of the most powerful lessons I think a person can learn in their lifetime.

3. Value your friendships

I never fully appreciated the friendships I'd made growing up, and at one point I really grew to regret that. A few years after high school I was all but alone and had not a single soul I could call even a decent friend (except for old best friends, which I didn't know at the time, but you always maintain some level of connection with).

That was a real bummer. The feeling of loneliness took a while to shake off, but I vowed never to make that same mistake again.

I'd later reconnect with many of my old friends via Facebook, and in some ways redeem myself. It really felt great to connect with old friends again, even if it was mostly online. This reminded me of the power and importance of friendship.

It's not easy to find a genuinely good friend, but when you do, hold onto them with dear life. Treat your good friends as family, and above all else do not hesitate to let them know just how much they mean to you. Opening up in this way strengthens bonds, and sometimes, when emotional storms appear overhead, this can make all the difference.

4. Believe in your own ability

This one might sound obvious or played out, but for my younger self this would have been one of the most powerful points on this list.

Developing belief in oneself is so important, I really couldn't exaggerate it's importance if I tried.

Why didn't I word this point "believe in yourself"? Because that's too vague. Everyone says, "believe in yourself", but what do they really mean? To believe in yourself means to believe in your own ability. Your ability to carry out difficult tasks, your ability to overcome challenges, and your ability to persist in the face of adversity.

Developing belief in yourself is a gradual process of building up or "stacking" little victories. The best way to do this is with an exercise I call "The Path of Progressive Accomplishments".

5. No matter what you do, you'll make enemies (so learn from them)

And who creates such opportunities? Not our friends, of course, but our enemies. They are the ones who give us the most trouble, So if we truly wish to learn, we should consider enemies to be our best teacher!

- The Dalai Lama

Even the Dalai Lama has enemies. Don't sweat it, it's just the way life is. People will see things in you that they want, that they wish they were, or things in you about themselves that they hate and project it off on you.

And then there's ignorance, the greatest source of all enemies. All of these things lead to people hating others, and naturally becoming some sort of shining light leads people who have something within themselves that they need to let go of want to unload that issue off on you.

There is a silver lining, though- you can grow more from your enemies than you can from most of life's other experiences. Compassion, patience, and understanding are all qualities that are tested and therefore can be developed by experiences with our enemies, and these are some of the most valuable qualities a person can develop.

So don't shy away from enemies, welcome them with compassion, love, and understanding. Use them to transform yourself and be an example to them of what real greatness is.

6. Be careful who and what you surround yourself with

Think about the way that the mind works for a second. Your thoughts are one of the most powerful forces in your life because each thought is essentially a message being transmitted to your brain.

The more you think about something, the more you reinforce a particular belief about yourself or the world around you (depending on the thought), and these beliefs affect literally everything you do.

Your associations, the people you associate yourself with on a regular basis, work very much the same way. Just as a thought is a piece of information being transmitted to a section of your brain, the words and actions of your associations are pieces of information being transmitted to your brain in much the same way.

And just as your thoughts loop and develop themselves into beliefs, and similar thoughts reinforce a general belief, the words and actions of your associations reinforce certain ideas and develop beliefs in you as well.

And the same works for everything else: watching T.V. and videos online, social media, reading, and any other information you absorb. Be careful who and what you surround yourself with- because it affects who you become.

7. Don't stop living your life because of someone else

I embarrassingly admit to being victim to this myself. OK, maybe I was just in high school, but the lessons was still served.

I had planned to go to a private high school after my last year of middle school. I finished the sign up process, took a tour, and did the first session of the necessary community service hours (some 8 hours or so, since we couldn't afford the ridiculous tuition), and ended up deciding to go to my cities public high school because I didn't want to be separated from my girlfriend at the time.

Looking back, I just laugh at the experience. That was fool's love for sure, but it taught me a really valuable lesson, a lesson I saw a lot of my friends make later in high school:

Don't stop living your life because of someone else.

I saw it time and time again: two people would get together and they'd stop all personal goals and plans altogether. They would, in a very literal way, stop being themselves.

Many of these people, including myself to a small extent (although luckily, not as bad as some people I knew), would even begin distancing themselves from their friends. This always turned out to be a bad mistake, even if the two people stayed together.

This isn't the only way you can lose yourself in someone else, but the most common especially when you're younger. Don't lose yourself in other people, or you'll come to regret it.

8. Be self-sufficient

This has a very wide meaning to me. By this I mean know how to take care of your mind first and foremost, but also how to take care of your body and how to survive on your own in the world.

Becoming self-sufficient is important not only for your own well-being and overall life, but also it's important to the lives of others. To be able to live self-sufficiently means that you're, in large part, able to take care of yourself. This requires you to depend on others less and consequently help support others more.

The easiest way to think about it is that you're a shining light. Depending on how bright your light is, you can either barely light yourself, often needing assistance from others, or you're so bright that you can help light others around you as a lit candle helps light unlit candles.

To see the true importance of being self-sufficient isn't just to see the importance of tending to your own well-being, but to see the truth of your interbeing with all other beings.

9. The internet is an invaluable tool, learn how to use it

If the internet were a country, it would be one of the world's largest. I remember 10 years ago people used to scoff at the idea of finding legitimate answers to real world problems on the internet. Now? It's the first place people look.

But while most people know how to use Facebook, YouTube, and Twitter to entertain themselves, and Google for the occasionally stumped brain, many people don't know how or don't realize they can use it to find solutions (or the gateway to a solution) to many of their more complex problems.

Nowadays, there's a blog or website out there with valuable insights to just about every topic imaginable. Do a little searching around and you can find helpful information for a lot of problems you'd be otherwise stuck figuring out on your own or depending on old means to figure out (and the primary old mean to solving a problem or getting an answer, books, the internet makes way more convenient with eBooks).

10. Be careful who you take advice from

To accept some idea of truth without experiencing it is like a painting of a cake on paper which you cannot eat.

-Suzuki Roshi

Don't take advice from just anyone. A lot of people will try, but you need to be careful who you go to regularly for advice, especially important life decisions.

Everyone has an opinion, and a lot of people will think their opinion is the right one (and they really want to tell you about it!). But your own personal experience and insight as a result of that experience are what's most important.

Do some research, see if the advice initially makes sense and if you think you could really benefit from it. If you think it's a good idea, test it out in your own life.

Those personal insights from your own experience are what you should really base your judgment off of, instead of just accepting what others say at face value.

11. The young life is temporary

The state our life is in can often be so encapsulating that it never occurs to us our lives could change completely in an instant. We go on almost thinking the way we live will last forever.

But this is often a cruel trick that life plays on us because the reality is the entire landscape of our lives often changes every couple of years. This isn't a bad or a good thing, there's equal positive to negative, it's just the way things are.

It's easy to lose yourself when you're young and living the party life. But when the dust settles, the only thing that will matter to you is what state your life is in and what you need to do to get yourself together.

There's nothing wrong with having a little fun, but don't forget what really matters. Don't get caught up partying, drinking, and everything else that comes with the territory, or you'll end up regretting it.

This is not a "you're older and don't get it" kind of thing. Don't mess your life up, seriously. It's not worth it. Besides, you'll find there are far more enjoyable things in life than partying and being reckless.

12. Let go

“Pain is inevitable as long as you are identified with your mind. ”

— Eckhart Tolle

You have a mass of ideas about the way that the world works that are absolutely and utterly wrong. What we call "common sense" isn't common sense at all, it's often just unquestioned information which has been fed to us from generations ago.

The most important of these wrong perceptions is the wrong perception of a separate self. A separate "you" which exists unconnected to the rest of the cosmos.

Start the gradual process now of peeling those wrong perceptions away or risk suffering a lot of pain in your lifetime as a result. Be willing to let go of everything you once thought true. Question everything, look deeply, and live with greater awareness and you'll find the answers you're looking for.

13. You don't have to go to college

I floated semi-consciously through school, ultimately half-assing my way through a year of community college before I quit because I had no real direction in my life at the time.

It's because of this that I regretted how I took my shot at college for granted and was almost too demoralized to think about it. When I considered going back, or just thought about it in general, I'd remember just how much work had to be done, and how behind I'd be compared to my former high school peers and friends.

This really weighed me down and kept me from taking action. But I'd find out later that there was a larger problem with this: I had the idea that I needed to go to college to do anything of significance.

When I finally realized that this couldn't be further from the truth, I felt completely relieved. Sure college can be a great experience. And depending on what you want to do with your life college may be necessary. But for the most part, it's not. And many of the greatest opportunities have little, if anything, to do with college.

I don't have anything against college, quite the opposite. I still to this day wish I could have experienced a university when I was younger and look forward to visiting some campuses in the future if nothing but for a fun visit, but I know better now. College is a tool, but it's not a necessary tool.

14. Everything in life is impermanent

You're not going to live forever, your dog isn't going to live forever, you're not going to have that job forever, you're not going to be angry forever, you're not going to be heartbroken forever, and everything else in your life is going to change at some point or another.

The way I see it, this is cause for celebration. Celebrate life now in all its beauty and understand that tomorrow everything can change. The great part about that is, it not only means you should cherish those things which you enjoy and make the most of each moment but also that any hard times you're going through won't last forever.

This is one of the great truths of life, and the sooner you come to realize this the sooner you can find greater peace in your everyday life.

15. Everyone you know might disagree with your future life-changing decision

Most people are quick to judge. We hate the unknown and like to think we've figured a thing or two out about life, and we also just like to talk and attract attention whenever we can.

Because of this, when you have that amazing and possibly life-changing idea, it's highly likely that everyone around you is going to look at you like you're crazy and not support you in your decision.

It doesn't mean you're wrong, it just means that they don't see what you see. Don't be discourage by this. If you believe in something wholeheartedly, if you think you have an idea that can change your life and bring something positive to other people, then go for it.

16. Take care of your mind (not just your body)

Don't neglect your mind or body. Both the mind and body, two sides of one whole, need regular nourishment. For this, a daily practice which nourishes your mind and body should be adopted. In fact, there are few things as fulfilling as a practice such as this that brings mind and body back together and grounds your being.

Most of us know to take care of our bodies, but few of us know how to take care of our minds. Towards this end, a daily practice of sitting meditation is key, and mindfulness in one's everyday life is a direct extension of that.

Another important practice is the practice of looking and living deeply. This is the practice of seeing deeply into the things you eat and drink and the various other actions you take in your daily life. Realizing your own interbeing (living interconnected with all other beings) is a big part of this.

17. Your most important work is to achieve peace

Striving to find peace within yourself and to live in peace with others is the most important thing you can do in your life. Nothing else even comes close.

When it comes down to it, to live in peace is the ultimate wish of all people, whether they realize it or not. This is because inner peace is the happiness we all truly wish to have.

Strive diligently towards your own inner peace, and live with compassion, love, and understanding towards others and you'll be rewarded with a joyous and fulfilling life while laying the seeds for peace with others.

18. Appreciate your pain and suffering

Don't run from your challenges. If it weren't for them you wouldn't be able to find peace and wouldn't even know what joy was. This is because pain and suffering and peace and happiness are two sides of the same coin. Without one, there wouldn't be the other.

Everything in life has an opposite correlation with something else. This is simply a truth about the way that the world works. The sooner you come to realize this the sooner you'll discover the true way to finding peace. To rest in peace, you must be able to live not just with the good but with the bad as well.

You don't need to erase the challenges in your life to find peace and happiness- in fact, you couldn't even if you tried- you simply need to learn how to live with those challenges and transform them.

19. Compassion is the bridge that connects people of all positions, colors, and beliefs

You won't always agree with everyone you meet, but that doesn't mean you can't get along with them. By striving to express compassion and understanding towards all living beings throughout your life you'll lead a trail of peace and cooperation.

We need to learn to live with compassion and understanding for others and stop trying to constantly convert everyone to our side of thinking. Just as there are two sides to every coin, these opposite views naturally bouncing off of one another are a part of life as well.

It's through these very differences that we find ourselves. If it weren't for the differences between us, we'd have no idea who we were. You can try a simple meditation on compassion, also called loving-kindness meditation (or LKM for short), here to begin cultivating love and compassion for others. 

20. You're basically good

You're not bad, you're good enough. You're not evil, messed up, or lacking- you're perfectly whole. If you've ever, or do ever, question this about yourself then quiet the thought right now.

At the very heart of "you" exists a basic goodness that can't ever be shaken. It's a part of you so deep that it's at the very core of your being. No matter what happens, this basic goodness will never go away.

Never tell yourself that you're not worthy, that you're not deserving, or that you should be punished. Mistakes are mistakes, and in a real-world sense if you do something wrong then there will be consequences for your actions, but this basic goodness lives inside of you and will never disappear no matter what happens.

It's a part of your very essence, and during tough times you should revert back to it and remind yourself of it.

21. Strive to live with mindfulness

If I seem to talk about living with mindfulness, or greater awareness, a lot, it's because of how important it is. It was a cornerstone of the Buddha's teaching and continues to be a cornerstone of all Buddhist teaching around the world.

There are different levels of mindful awareness, and you should use them all to make it as easy as possible to adopt mindfulness into your everyday life. You can't always focus your mindfulness as intently on your steps when you're walking out of the grocery store as opposed to when you're doing walking meditation in private, but you should still rest in greater awareness.

Living with mindfulness shines a light on the negative self-talk that binds us in place, makes it rise to the surface, and allows us to transform it. It gradually breaks down the various wrong perceptions held within our minds and brings us back to the present moment- reality itself.

The present moment is where peace exists, nowhere else. By learning to live with mindfulness you'll be able to unlock the peace and joy that exists from being present for this moment.

22. Sometimes, it's important to gain perspective

At times, we can get so enveloped in our own problems that we feel like they're bigger than the world. This happens throughout life, but I think more so when you're younger and you haven't had as many varied life experiences.

Because of this, it can be very beneficial to take a step back from time to time and remember just how vast the world you live in really is.

When you do this, the opposite effect happens: your problems begin to shrink back to their true size. This makes them feel manageable and greatly reduces the mental burden associated with said problem.

I wrote a post about a simple but powerful meditation you can do for this purpose: meditating on the cosmos.

23. Live simply

I believe that a simple and unassuming manner of life is best for everyone, best both for the body and the mind.

- Albert Einstein

Adult life can get really complicated, really fast. People grow up at different speeds and go through different things at different ages, but unless you make a conscious effort to thwart it, eventually modern life will put on the full-court press.

When this happens, without efforts to combat it, you're liable to develop a lot of added stress, confusion about your life's path in general, and become distant to those things that will bring you peace and happiness.

Make the conscious effort to live simply (or rather, the simple effort to live consciously). Living simply will ward off the complications of modern life and bring you peace.

Imagine you have an internal GPS system. This GPS system keeps you in control of yourself and aware of where you are and where you're going.

When the typical complications of modern life take hold, your internal GPS system is thrown for a loop. It goes completely haywire and until you calm the chatter, you'll feel lost and disoriented. Simplify your life and you'll gain back control of your internal GPS.

I don't mean necessarily move to the mountains and live in a log cabin off of the land or anything, but I do mean to control your relationship with technology, make sure to connect with nature regularly, learn when to say no, ward off clutter, slow down, and quiet your mind (among other things).

24. The condition of your mind and body is directly connected to the condition of your breathing

Learning how to breathe is one of the most important skills you can learn in your lifetime. This isn't an overstatement either, your breath literally controls your state of mind.

Most of the time, simply becoming mindful of the quality of your breathing is all you need. In the instant that you become mindful of your breathing, you'll often notice that it's fast and shallow and that by simply staying aware of your breathing your breath naturally slows and deepens.

Even just this simple trick is life changing, as it can calm our nerves, bring peace in the face of anger, and help us regain our center. Our breath has the ability to reunite mind and body as one force and bring us peace in any situation. Never forget your breath and you'll never lose yourself.

25. Productivity is not what's most important in life

Depending on your profession, at some point in your life, you're likely to become concerned with your productivity. It's only natural, and the thought itself shouldn't be cause for concern, but you do have to watch yourself.

It's really easy to become obsessed with productivity, and an obsession with productivity usually means you're sacrificing everything around you in order to accomplish it. This includes your peace of mind, your relationships, and your health.

I know how it feels, I was this way myself. But I learned that you don't have to sacrifice these things to become more productive. In fact, by living in a way that you're constantly mindful of your well-being, you tend to unlock greater creativity and efficiency in everything that you do, and end up becoming more productive.

Even so, don't make productivity your highest priority. Always put your well-being, and the well-being of your loved ones, first before anything else. Doing things faster isn't what life's about. Never forget that.

26. What others think of you doesn't matter

One of the most debilitating fears that exist is the fear of what others might think of us. At the heart of much of what holds us back in life is this very fear, so it goes without saying that overcoming it can be life-changing.

How can you begin to overcome it? By identifying it in yourself. Practicing mindfulness in your everyday life is the key to identifying where the fear has rested its prickly hands. If you can begin to identify the fear, you can defeat it by resting with it, and the issues it arises from, in meditation.

I also wrote about it repeatedly in my post series on the top 5 regrets of the dying, where it came up time and again as a source of many of the top regrets.

27. Don't Blame

Placing the blame or judgment on someone else leaves you powerless to change your experience.

- Byron Katie

Don't blame others when something crappy happens to you. Don't blame yourself when something goes wrong. Don't blame anyone, ever, under any circumstance.

Blame is destructive as well as absolutely and completely unproductive. Even blaming yourself gets you nowhere. It's not strong to turn blame you would point at others off on yourself, it's damaging and degrading.

When something wrong happens, no one needs to be blamed. Blame doesn't have to exist in your life, in any fashion. Sure, identifying where a problem exists so that you can fix it can be beneficial and productive, but associating blame isn't.

OK, perfect world, I know. But the point is to make your best effort, not to be perfect. Will you blame someone else for something during the rest of your lifetime? Yeah, you probably will. But as with all good intentions, they're just that- intentions. Intend to do the right thing in any situation, and don't kick yourself for not being perfect.

We all have insights from our own past experiences, what do you wish you had known when you were younger?

18 Things I've Learned about Changing Habits, Settings Goals, and Living Life

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

― Mark Twain

For the past 8 years, I've worked on various aspects of my life. In the beginning, it was mostly confidence and appearance related- working on improving my posture, my speaking voice, and my self-confidence- because I worked in a sales office where those things were valued. That was where I was first introduced to self-improvement and the power of the mind.

But it was after I left there when I really started working on myself on a deeper level. It started with nutrition, as I had returned to the martial arts training I was doing before I got into sales. I've never stopped working on nutrition, but I worked on it most heavily in those first two years.

Some of the things I worked on during that time were drinking the recommended amount of water daily, resisting sweets and other temptation foods, and becoming a vegetarian again (I was a vegetarian for about 5 years beginning in high school).

Soon after that, having read the first 5-10 pages of Bruce Lee's Tao of Jeet Kune Do an endless amount of times and being always confused by the Zen speak but interested in learning more, I read a little book by the name of The Beginner's Guide to Zen Buddhism. I was consequently led to an even deeper level of "self-development".

This is when I received my first real introduction to meditation and began meditating every morning before training, and soon after that discovered the work of Thich Nhat Hanh, Shunryu Suzuki, as well as others that would go on to be my teachers and began practicing meditation throughout my everyday life. And this is what would eventually inspire me to start writing.

Within that time I've changed a lot of my old habits, set and completed a lot of goals, and worked on improving my life in a lot of different ways. Here are some examples of habits I've worked on and developed during that time:

1. Daily sitting meditation
2. Writing 1000 a words a day (and later 3000+)
3. Mindful breathing every hour
4. Mindfulness throughout my everyday life (which breaks down to multiple things)
5. Seeking to understand and express compassion in every situation
6. Waking up early (from 7:30 to 3 A.M. over the course of 2-3 years)
7. Resisting sweets and temptation foods
8. Drinking 8-10 cups of water daily
9. Becoming a vegetarian (and now slowly shifting towards vegan)
10. Morning tea meditation
11. Reducing & controlling smartphone usage
12. Keeping a journal
13. Daily gratitude exercise
14. Daily physical exercise
15. Controlling spending and getting good at managing my money
16. Being present for my kids
17. Reading two books a month
18. Establishing an email routine
19. Improving my posture (sitting + standing)
20. Seeing people as myself
21. Being more present, attentive, and compassionate in my personal relationships

Some of these are small, some are big, some are life-long endeavors, and some took just a few months to fully develop. And in that time I've learned a lot about creating and changing habits, setting and achieving goals, and all-around striving to live life to the fullest.

It's my hope that I can transfer to you some of the insights I've gotten during that time. Perhaps they can save you time, help you get through a tough spot, or improve your life in a general sense. Whatever it is, I hope you find value in what I've learned.

20 Things I've Learned about Changing Habits, Settings Goals, and Living Life

1. Make life-long commitments, not short-term goals

Positive life changes like these aren't short-term goals, they're life-long commitments. The above list of personal habit changes I've made over the past 8 years are, for the most part, life-long endeavors. Meditation, reading, gratitude, money management, compassion, rising early, and taking care of my body are all things which I expect to do for my entire life.

Things do change, though. For instance, I no longer do my daily gratitude exercise because after doing it for nearly a full year I naturally find things to be grateful for in my everyday life without extra effort. But for the most part, this applies to everything.

What you're really doing with all this is designing your life, not trying to get some short-term result. If that's what you're after then you need to reevaluate why you want what you want first before you do anything else.

You should live grounded in the present moment, but understand that what you do on a day-to-day basis has a substantial effect on what you will be doing 10, 20, and 30 years from now. Realize this and begin making changes today- not tomorrow or next year.

2. Self-control is key

Self-control is one of the single most important factors in achieving anything. Self-control includes such aspects as the ability to motivate oneself, belief in one's own ability, and one's ability to handle strong emotions (all incredibly important abilities). Overall, it's a sort of internal locus of control which grounds you to some specific spot which you previously designated for yourself.

Imagine a boulder. This boulder experiences heavy rain, powerful lightning, flash floods, earthquakes, and more from Mother Nature. But no matter what, it doesn't budge.

When you decide to do something- achieve some goal or a simple intention- it's your self-control that keeps you rooted in place when adversity hits you, like the boulder that weathers the many storms that Mother Nature throws at it.

Your motivation, self-belief, and ability to handle strong emotions is what keeps you grounded. The good thing is, self-control can be developed. Whether it's motivation, self-confidence, or developing the ability to handle strong emotions, you can increase your level of self-control, and that will aid you for the rest of your life.

3. Develop faith in what you're doing

Buddhism speaks of having faith, but it's probably not the faith you're familiar with. Buddhist faith is a sort of trust or confidence in something, which in Buddhism is generally faith in the "3 jewels" of the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha (ultimately, the same teaching seen from 3 different perspectives).

Through years of daily practice monks develop confidence in their path, the Buddha's path, by experiencing for themselves the truth of the Buddha's words with regards to the path to peace and liberation from suffering.

This same type of faith, or confidence, is important to have in whatever you're doing. In order to translate to people why what you do is important and in order to keep pushing yourself forward when adversity rears its ugly head, you need to have faith in what you do.

Just as the Buddhist monk develops faith in their practice through their personal experience, to truly believe and get behind something you should first experience it yourself firsthand. Don't take someone else's word for it, be a lamp unto yourself.

Whether this is following the path to true peace and happiness or standing behind a product you believe in that can create a positive impact in the world, let people feel how much you believe in what you do and remind yourself constantly why you have so much confidence in it.

4. Goals don't matter (what matters is what you do each and every day)

Back when I was doing sales, goals were a must. If you didn't have goals you were looked at as unfocused or altogether lost.

Years later, having worked on the abovementioned list of habit changes, as well as having worked hard to build Buddhaimonia, write my first book (soon to be two!), and build a strong and healthy family, I can honestly say with every ounce of my being that you don't need goals.

Keep in mind that, for the most part, I mean this on a larger scale. In a given day, I often give myself a word count goal to get through to gauge my writing pace. Lately, with my upcoming 2nd book Zen for Everyday Life, it's been up to 3,000 words (which, provided the kids don't wake up early or something, I can hit pretty consistently).

But even then, what really matters is that I'm working constantly throughout the day to write as much as I possibly can. That goal is simply based on the date I want to finish the book (which, based on the 200~ page size has now become January instead of the original December date), it doesn't really push me to write faster.

What really matters is what you do each and every day. The goal is the end result, and the end result is not what you want to focus on. When you focus so intently on your day-to-day activity, doing what's most important in each day, then the end goal vanishes and becomes a moot point.

Sure, you'll still set some goals. Obviously finishing a book is a goal (or perhaps an intention), but I never think about it. All I think about is doing my best work each day and I know that whenever it is that I finish it will be my best work.

And when you focus on what you do in each moment instead of always being focused on the end result, you live grounded in reality and the peace of the day instead of being dazed in an imaginary fantasy, the latter leading to all kinds of trouble.

5. It takes more than 21 days to create a habit

There's even scientific evidence to back this up. So how long does it really take?

The research suggested between 2 and 8 months, and I'd have to agree. Some things I seemed to establish rather quickly, even faster than that (1 month or so), some things most definitely took longer. Becoming an early riser? Yeah, took me nearly a full year to really consistently wake up at even a formidable 6:30 A.M.

Because these are things which you're working to develop into life-long changes, I wouldn't worry about how long it will take to develop something into a habit. What exactly makes a habit a habit anyway? When was waking up early officially a habit for me? Once I did it 2/3 days in a month? 4/5? 9.5/10?

It's easy to tell if something is a habit, but when working to establish a new habit it's nearly impossible to tell when that action turned from being just a goal to a habit, and trying to find that out is a largely useless endeavor.

Habits are just life improvements you'd like to make, nothing more and nothing less. Calling some things habits and other things life changes or life improvements is just confusing. They're all the same thing, so don't be fooled.

Whatever you choose to call it, it's just you seeking to improve the quality of your life. And that's not a 21 day process, it's life-long.

6. Changing habits isn't about perfection (just don't quit)

“You haven’t failed to change a habit until you quit trying.”

To roll off of this point, the same set of research found that creating a habit isn't an all-or-nothing process. What I mean by that is you could screw up from time to time and miss a day and it wouldn't affect the process of developing the habit.

I can vouch for this point like nobody's business. I was in no way perfect when working to establish just about any of the various habits I mentioned earlier.

Drinking water? I'd forget my water bottle in my car and go an entire day without any water. Meditation? I used to be a productivity junkie and sometimes used the excuse that I wanted to get more work done so I'd "skip just this session". Waking up early? I'd go an entire string of days waking up late at times.

I think the most important point to keep in mind is that you haven't failed to change a habit until you quit trying.

This is such an important point to keep in mind because we tend to beat ourselves up especially in the beginning when we're first working to change bad habits into good ones. Don't beat yourself up, you don't have to be perfect to change your habits.

7. It's not about becoming better, it's about fully accepting and expressing you

“You’re perfect right now just as you are.”

This is absolutely one of the most important points on this entire list, but it wasn't until recently that I realized it.

"Moving forward" in life, or whatever you want to call it, isn't about self-improvement. The term self-improvement suggests that something is wrong with you, and that's damaging in itself, aside from the fact that it's outright wrong. There's absolutely, positively, nothing wrong with you- and you need to realize this as soon as possible.

But another important point you need to realize is that the negative self-talk that loops itself in your subconscious isn't you at all. "I'm not good enough", "I could never do that", and "I don't deserve to be happy" are all examples of negative self-talk. These limiting beliefs, which often hide below the surface of our consciousness, masquerade as us and make us think that we're lacking in some way.

But these thoughts aren't you at all, and nothing does a better job of helping you see this than a daily practice of meditation. Meditation has a way of separating the real you and the false you like oil and water sitting together in a pitcher. Stir them around and they'll almost seem to mix, but let the pitcher sit still and the oil will begin to separate from the water, making it all too clear that the oil is not the water (and vice versa).

You are the pure clean water, not the oil. The sooner you realize this the sooner you can live in peace and accept yourself fully as you are. This is what it's about. Any illusion that something called "self-improvement" exists is just that, an illusion, and should be gotten rid of. Instead I rather we start using something like "life-improvement" because making changes to improve the quality of our lives is a very real thing which we can do.

The things we generally consider self-improvement are things which make our lives better, not us better. You're perfect right now just as you are. Don't let all this changing of habits or negative self-talk make you think otherwise. Working to change your habits is worthwhile and rewarding, but stop looking at it from the standpoint of improving yourself, and start looking at it as improving your life. 

Here's a great video on the subject from Tibetan Buddhist nun Pema Chodron's recent guest appearance on Super Soul Sunday:

8. Be authentic (not fear-based)

Be careful that your actions aren't diluted by fear- fear of what others will think, fear of failure, and other limiting beliefs. This negative self-talk, these fears which we hold inside of us, strongly influence what we do.

Adopting a regular meditation practice, both sitting meditation and being mindful in your everyday life, can help you identify these fears and bring them to the surface so that you can separate yourself from them.

This can take time, but it's altogether necessary in order for you to find peace and happiness. Like the peeling back of an orange peel one piece at a time, you need to peel back the layers of you in order to see into the deepest reaches of yourself. Once you do this, you can operate from a purely authentic state of mind, unbound by fear and other limiting beliefs.

9. Go all in, or reevaluate why you won't

Whatever it is that you're doing, if it's something of great value to you, then you need to go all in. You can see this principle in action everywhere, from successful business people to Buddhist monks and nuns, the practice of going "all in" towards something of great value is often integral towards achieving it.

In the business world, this was likely defined first and made popular via a little book by the name of Think and Grow Rich (a staple among staples in the business realm), where the author begins by detailing the story of Edwin C. Barnes.

Edwin C. Barnes risked literally everything to establish a business relationship with Thomas Edison. The result? Years later, the slogan "Made by Edison and installed by Barnes" was eventually born.

You can't be wishy-washy when it comes to those things which are really important to you. Serious about finding peace and happiness in your everyday life? Don't meditate every once in a while, meditate every single day, be mindful throughout your day, and really start digging deep within yourself.

Want to start your own business? Follow your dream? Work at it every day, not just when it's convenient. Step outside of your comfort zone, be honest with yourself, and use every failure as a stepping stone.

And if you're not willing to go all in? Find out why. Refer to the last point- is it fear or some limiting belief? Or is it the ego getting the better of you?

You don't need to do this with everything, but big dreams and goals require a big commitment, and they often need you to go all in to have the best chance at success. Decide what you really want out of life and go after it with everything you've got.

10. In the beginning, it's difficult to keep a consistent effort. After some time, it's automatic

At first, you'll find yourself scattered all over the place. Imagine two horizontal sound waves running parallel to one another while registering different sounds. One wave is flying up and down and another is slowly flowing slightly down and then slightly up. As the sounds begin to change and become more similar, the waves begin to seem more and more in sync.

This is what it's like to change a habit. In the beginning, your old habit energies will be pushing and pulling you one way and then the other constantly. You might have an initial burst of excitement, but once that wears off you'll see it will be difficult at first to keep up a consistent effort.

Luckily, as we discussed earlier, you don't need to be perfectly consistent. The most important point is just to keep working at it. If you do that, it will gradually become easier.

You'll then eventually reach a point where it takes very little effort compared to when you started. This is the point where your habit energy has shifted over and is now working in your favor. This is when the sound waves have stopped and now match each other in harmony.

Depending on the habit, this will take time. But if you work diligently and stay patient you'll get to a point where it's no longer hard work. It will still take work to upkeep, but it will be more automatic effort than anything else.

11. In the beginning, you need to move quickly and "stack" victories

In the beginning of establishing a new habit, the process is very fragile. That is, the entire situation will be very unstable- in a flash you can drop everything and go right back to your old routine, never to look back. It's because of this that one of the most powerful things you can do when first working to develop a new daily habit is to "stack" victories.

What I mean by that is, you need to take a lot of action in the beginning that will move you towards your goal. This way, you build up a strong momentum, and it's this momentum that will carry you in the beginning. You can use an exercise I described here to do this.

12. Measure everything

Businesses, especially businesses online, understand the importance of measuring activity. They measure who goes where, when they did it, what age they were, how long they stayed, where they went next, and anything else they can possibly measure.

You can use this same principle in your own life to maintain a strong foundation while working to develop habits and accomplish tasks. This is usually included as a part of an accountability system, however, it's often seen as the secondary (and often overlooked) benefit.

Accountability has two benefits: 1) measuring your progress and 2) having to report to someone else that you didn't come through on what you said you'd do. For many in the beginning, the second reason is the most powerful and the major reason to use accountability.

But you can't forget the importance of the first point. Measuring your activity is powerful and can lead to a number of valuable insights about your behavior that might help you improve your efforts.

The Reporter app is a great tool for this. I don't personally use it anymore, but I tested it for a while and have considered using it in the future. It's a great app for monitoring your daily activity and for keeping tabs on your progress.

13. You will be consistently inconsistent- and that's OK

“All that matters is that you work on giving your best effort in every given moment.”

No matter how hard you work, you won't be 100% consistent. But the thing is, you don't need to be. I wake up late on average once every 2 weeks (this includes Sat-Sun, I wake up at the same time Mon-Sun 3-3:30 am). Some days, early in the morning I look up to see a newly awoken baby staring back at me from across the room, consequently meaning my morning meditation is cut short.

Sometimes I get pulled in other directions or get distracted, consequently writing less than my daily writing goal. This is OK, you don't need to be perfect. All that matters is that you work on giving your best effort in every given moment. 

14. Waking up early and adopting a daily morning routine is like supercharging yourself

My morning routine is the most powerful, peaceful, and productive part of my day. And my guess is, I'm not the first person you've heard say that. Waking up early, whether that's 7 A.M. or 3 A.M., and then crafting a daily morning routine, is one of the most powerful things you can do to move your life forward in all aspects.

My morning routine acts as a sort of anchor to the craziness of my everyday life. Having two young boys, a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, is already enough to keep my wife and I busy on top of everything else, so the peace and quiet of the morning are invaluable to keeping me grounded.

If there's a part of your day you should work on the most, I'd suggest starting with your morning. But ultimately only you know what's best for you. Maybe you work a graveyard shift, I don't know.

What's most important is that you inspect your day and find pockets of peace and quiet. That's the major reason that the morning is so powerful. Whatever you can do to replicate that, whenever you can get the time, is most important.

15. Stop prioritizing what's not important

Most don't realize it, but we all have priorities whether we choose them ourselves or not. This is our habit energy. When it comes down to it, habits, specifically those positive activities which we'd like to do every day and often instead of other negative ones, are about priorities.

Find out what matters most to you and structure your life in a way that you put those things first, then decide what positive habits you should build towards those priorities. It shouldn't be about starting a simple gratitude exercise daily or weekly so that you cultivate gratitude and become (hopefully) happier as a result. It's about deciding that being happy is most important to you and that you want to prioritize that in your life somehow.

We often act as if the "staples" of modern life are the most important parts of our life. But they aren't. Work is not the most important thing in life. There, I said it. Building a family is not the most important thing in life. There, I said it again. These are all major parts of most of our lives (or they will be), but they aren't what should be prioritized.

Treating others with compassion and setting an example of kindness is one of the most important things in life. Becoming more aware in your everyday life, living with mindfulness, so that you can not only overcome those things hidden deep within you but discover the peace and importance of the present moment, is one of the most important things in life. Expressing love is one of the most important things in life.

These are important things. Work and family life are ever-connected to them, but they're more environments than they are life priorities. You can go to work, or you can not go to work. You can raise a family, or you can choose not to. What's important is living with compassion, greater awareness, love, and the like.

If you have a family then expressing those things to your family- compassion, understanding, love, and being fully present- are most important. So the same still stands, with regards to your actions, those are your priorities.

Stop prioritizing what's not important- money, power, responsibility, pleasing others- and start prioritizing what's really important. Everything after that is a lifestyle choice, not what's most important.

16. Automate, or keep a list of, unimportant but necessary responsibilities

I don't want my approaching car payment to occupy even the smallest fraction of my mind. It's not fun, desirable, or productive in any way shape or form. Set up daily reminders and automate as many of these tasks as possible to remove the mental burden.

This can take the form of a small daily list that you keep and look at no more than once or twice daily, reminders set up on your phone so that you don't have to remember anything, or the setting of certain tasks on autopilot such as paying bills.

I use the iOS app Clear to keep simple lists of tasks which I don't want to forget. It lets me simultaneously set reminders for those tasks so that I don't have to jump or communicate between apps, and the user interface is super clean, easy to read, and well organized.

17. Mindfulness helps us watch ourselves and find the imbalance

On a base level, we want to keep some sort of "balance" about our lives. Mindfulness helps us return to a place of balance and then maintain this balance once we've arrived there. Nothing is as good at helping us watch ourselves- our thoughts, actions, changes in our environment- as mindfulness is.

Acting with greater, complete, or "wise" awareness as mindfulness is sometimes called naturally shifts us towards a more harmonious life because of its uncanny ability to helps us identify imbalance.

On one end, there is no imbalance. Living in mindfulness we live perfectly accepting of all events- aware of the source acting in the many we see that everything is just fine as it is. But in a rational sense, we know it's better that we don't keep harboring this hatred, keep beating ourselves up, or mistreating others. And it's through becoming aware of this that we're able to find balance.

18. The most powerful life changes are slow and gradual

Establishing new habits is like the expanding roots of a tree. Those roots often grow slowly and gradually, but once grown they're so intrinsically connected to the soil which they've grown from that it's almost impossible to pull them out.

Likewise, those things which take the least amount of time and effort to develop tend to be the easiest to falter on later and those things which took the longest to develop become so ingrained in you that you almost couldn't stop doing them if you tried.

You'll want to start working on those things which will take some time to develop now and work on them diligently. And there's no point trying to find shortcuts, major positive habits such as daily meditation and exercise just take time, so it's best to give a strong consistent effort.

I've found that working extra-hard on a new life-long habit doesn't do much to help establish them any faster. What's needed is a strong and consistent effort with the patience to see the endeavor through.

What have you learned about habits, goals, and living life with a purpose? I'd love to hear your own insights!

23 Pieces of Life-Changing Wisdom You Can Learn from Your Everyday Life

Umbrella, light, landscape, sky- there is no language of the holy. The sacred lies in the ordinary.

- Deng Ming-Dao

As opposed to suggesting something mostly outside of ourselves, such as studying research, a special 10-day retreat, or some expensive seminar, I believe that if we know how to we can learn the most important lessons life has to teach us from ourselves, in our everyday lives. And I believe this way of learning is much more effective.

Guidance is powerful, even necessary at times, but ultimately we learn the best and most valuable insights from our own life experiences (which is why the best guidance helps us become a lamp unto ourselves). So then what better place to learn than our regular, normal, everyday lives? If we can learn to do this, the possibilities are endless.

To others, you may seem to be leading exactly the same daily life, and yet in each moment you're working on something, doing something. All day, every day, you're focused on becoming better. This is the kind of self-improvement you can't at first see, but you can feel.

You know you're not the same, but you can't quite define it yet. Each day the definition becomes a little bit clearer and a little bit clearer. It's a slow and steady process, the kind that makes a coal into a diamond.

Nicer, stronger, more resilient, more compassionate, happier, more at peace, healthier, more efficient in your daily activities, better with people, more in touch with yourself, more in touch with those around you, less apt to get angry and frustrated at daily occurrences, and with more time than you ever knew you had. Each and every day you make small changes, little improvements, until the snowball becomes an avalanche.

A quick note before getting into the list:

You can walk mindfully, or you can just walk. What determines how much you grow isn't just what you go through, it's also your level of awareness while going through said experience, and your willingness to be honest about it afterward when reflecting. The more honest and introspective you're willing to be about your life experiences the more you're going to grow.

I know people who have gone through a lot and haven't changed all that much out of fear, stubbornness, or the ego keeping them curled up in their shell. Don't let this be you. Open up to your own life's experiences and learn to grow from them.

The following 23 points are all lessons you can learn in your everyday life. Don't take my word for it on any of these points, though, get out there and experience these things for yourself, and then use them to improve your life in every way imaginable.

1. Helping others makes you happier

“My country is the world, and my religion is to do good. ”

— Thomas Paine

When you connect with someone personally and help them in some way you make a deep human connection that resonates not only within you but in the other person as well.

You can do something out of your ordinary routine like find a local program to donate or volunteer at, help a friend take action on their dreams, or you can just be the best person you can be in your everyday life- if you see someone pushing their broken down car then don't just drive by- help them push it, if you see someone on the street asking for money then give them the change in your pocket, or if you see an injustice then stand up and say something. Most people turn a blind eye to all of those things, and it makes the world a worse place because of it.

Often the most powerful effect you can have is in the simple things while going about your everyday life. It doesn't have to be anything crazy, just set out to help anyone you come across that needs a little helping hand.

2. Slow down (You're not getting anywhere)

Watch yourself during a typical day. Begin to identify when and why you're rushing around and how your performance changes versus when you're calm and collected. More than ever we need to learn the art of slowing down. Don't buy into the myth that slowing down will make you less productive. Productivity isn't just about speed, it's also about efficiency.

Can your slow, calm and controlled mind do something in 10 minutes which takes your fast-moving and scrambled brain 20 minutes? It might not break down exactly like that, but you get the point. And productivity isn't the primary reason we need to slow down, we need to slow down for our own well-being. What's the point of productivity if we're not happy in the process?

The myth of the pot of gold at the end of the trail of hard work is just that- a myth- and one that you shouldn't buy into. Happiness is found in how we live our everyday lives. Take a moment to slow down and see for yourself.

3. Breathe (literally, breathe)

Take a moment to pay attention to your breath, but don't attempt to control it in any way. To some degree, simply paying attention to your breath will make your body adjust its breathing, but that's OK.

What did you find? When I first began practicing sitting meditation and mindfulness in my daily life I was pretty surprised to find how messed up my breathing was, but I was more surprised to discover how much our breathing affects how we feel.

During a stressful situation, our breathing often becomes quick and shallow, but if you simply become conscious of your breath it will naturally slow down and deepen and this will immediately calm your entire mind and body. The breath is powerful, pay attention to it as you go about your day and you'll see what I mean.

4. Take care of yourself

You only get one body, and it can't keep itself up. Most people don't get excited about taking care of their bodies, but the reality is that if you don't take care of your physical health you'll significantly affect the quality of your entire life, not just the length of it.

From your energy levels to the strength of your immune system, our bodies can have an effect on everything we do. Start paying attention to how your health affects what you do on a day-to-day basis and think of simple ways that you can improve your health without unearthing your daily schedule (drink water or tea instead of soda or juice, healthy meal planning at home instead of fast food, etc.)

This is easy to test out for yourself: watch your energy levels and performance for the next week while doing nothing out of the ordinary. Then, the following week drink mostly water and tea and remove any sugary drinks.

You can take this further by removing any fast food with decent home-cooked meals. Depending on what your usual diet is you'll see varied results, but simply adopting the habit of replacing soda with water some 4 years ago made a noticeable difference in my energy levels, and I haven't gone back since.

5. Be mindful

The secret of health is not to mourn the past or worry about the future, but to live in the present moment wisely.

- Buddha

Life happens when we decide to be present in the here and now. Without mindfulness, we live mostly semiconscious, with the occasional burst of awareness when something exciting or tragic happens. To live fully present for each moment of your life is to not only discover happiness itself but a deep sense of meaning in your life.

Happiness isn't at the end of the road, it's the very road itself. How you tread the road of life is what will determine if you're peaceful and happy, not what you achieve by getting to the end of the road. Try it for yourself, begin practicing mindfulness in your everyday life (if you haven't already) and see what I mean.

6. You can make a difference

You really can make a difference in someone else's life, whether you believe it or not. You can't force someone to change who doesn't want to change, but you can always offer guidance, help, and support depending on the need of the individual.

From holding a door open for someone as you exit and they enter, effectively brightening their mood ever so slightly for the rest of their day, to donating old clothes and toys to those in need, to being courageous and following your dreams building a product or program you believe can improve the well-being of others.

There are a million ways you can make a difference, from big to small, possibly the most powerful being to simply show compassion to all those people you meet along your daily life.

7. Things aren't as bad as you think they are

Ever heard the old saying, "making a mountain out of a molehill"? Oftentimes, we make ourselves think that our problems are twice as large and menacing as they really are by mulling them over in our heads repeatedly. Think back to a few different things you've worried about in the past- did it really end up as bad as you thought it would?

You can also use mindfulness to help you see what you're worried about right now in this moment, then keep tabs on those worries and watch to see if they really end up as bad as you predicted. The likelihood is they won't and you'll begin to see the divide between what goes on in your head and what really happens in reality.

The act of being mindful in itself, of being present instead of being stuck in our heads, will loosen the hold of such ideas as well.

This part of us, this "worry-machine", has often been with us for so long that its mechanical, and doing an exercise like this can help you begin to detach yourself from the mental process of exaggerating situations altogether.

8. Do it now (before it becomes a mountain)

Sometimes, we ignore a problem for so long that a molehill really does become a mountain. But nothing about this is imaginary, this is about pure and real procrastination.

I did this repeatedly when I was younger, I'd ignore some things for so long that they'd go from being a routine responsibility to a code one emergency. Suffice it to say, I learned this one the hard way.

I keep a (small) list on my phone now for tasks which hold some level of significance and make sure to place reminders on everything if I can't get to them within a day or two. This way I can go about my day without having to remember when I have to take care of them. I either take care of them immediately or I put a reminder down that automatically lets me know that it's time to handle business.

I'm by no means perfect, but I do a much better job now of taking care of those procrastination prone things than I once did.

9. Be considerate and compassionate with others

The selfishness of humanity gets all the news, and yet my experience is mainly of something very good.

- Ajahn Sumedho

You live life intrinsically connected to others, the sooner you realize this the sooner you'll make your entire life (and the lives of others) easier and more enjoyable. What you do affects others and what others do affects you.

Being considerate of others feelings, beliefs, and overall well-being isn't just being nice, it's an all-around more evolved state of mind. We won't survive if we're constantly at each other's throats. Our strength as a species is in our ability to come together, to communicate, and to work together towards a common goal.

In your daily life, this is expressed simply through living with compassion and understanding. This simple act, though seemingly unconnected to yourself, can have a significant effect on your well-being.

The way you treat others often comes back to you and expressing compassion is an altogether healthy mental activity that helps cultivate peace and happiness within you, not to mention the fact that by living in such a way you're helping make the world, of which you're a part of, a better and more peaceful place.

10. What you do consistently will become a habit (so be careful what you do each day)

Look around you- what does your life look like? What time do you go to sleep? And wake up? What do you do when you wake up? How do you work? When you have free time, what do you do with it? Are you usually distracted and out of touch or present and fully aware?

Tread carefully in your everyday life. Observe every aspect of your life and begin to notice what you do in each moment of your typical day. Your answers to the above questions are strong indicators of some of your most important daily habits.

11. Be here (when you get there)

You may have a million desires to be in other places, doing other things, but you are not there, you are here.

- Zen proverb

When you arrive somewhere, leave your problems and worries behind and be there fully with your whole being. Imagine your problems attached to you like balloons tied to your wrists. As you open the door to your home, office, or elsewhere, imagine your problems coming unattached and flying away, and arrive where you are with your full presence.

We carry our problems around from one place to the next, often only physically entering our homes because our minds are still back at the office, or vice versa. To live in this way is to be perpetually distracted and part of the "living dead".

But not only that, because our problems are constantly hanging over our shoulders they bring us down and cause us to lash out at others in frustration or ignore them when we're distracted.

You can start by simply watching yourself go about your daily life. What's on your mind? When you walk into the office, is that fight with your spouse still troubling you? As you walk up to your front door, does that presentation you're doing next week have you distracted?

Remember the molehill? Often cycling things through our mind does nothing to help the situation, so let them go for now and be present for those in front of you.

12. Moods are contagious

Be careful who you surround yourself with on a daily basis. Sometimes, I know, this can't be helped. But at the same time, I've known a lot of people who have, whether consciously or unconsciously, surrounded themselves with the wrong people and paid the price because of it.

I'm not saying draw judgment on them, you should seek to express compassion even to them (although I know these people are probably at the bottom of your list), but you don't need to be around them on a daily basis if they're a truly poisonous influence.

Do what you can to try to help, even if it's at a distance. But if they're unwilling, don't hurt your head over it. There's a lot of stubborn people out there who just can't be helped until they open up and start helping themselves.

13. Automate the unimportant and easy to forget

I'm constantly mindful of the sort of environment that a Zen monk or nun creates for themselves by choosing to live in a monastery and reducing their life down to the essential tasks. I often compare my life to theirs to try to find ways to lessen the burden of everyday responsibilities and make me more efficient, therefore giving me more time for what's most important to me.

That's where automation comes in. From automating bills, setting up reminders for important tasks, to doing weekly meal planning, numerous mundane everyday tasks can be automated to relieve stress and the mental burden of having to remember so much, create a little more freedom in your daily life, and ultimately give you more time for what's important.

14. Keep it simple

In the modern age, it's easy for our life to quickly become needlessly complicated. From T.V., to smartphones, to tablets, laptops, desktops, and all the random money grabbing advertisements in between, opportunities for distraction aren't lacking in any regard.

And often we have a laundry list of responsibilities and things pulling at our time, moving us further and further from what's most important. Then there's the stuff. The useless, time-wasting, and suffocating clutter that often blankets our lives (especially if you have kids!).

This is just a few key examples of all the ways that our lives become overly complicated. If you take a look around you'll probably notice a number of places where you can simplify your life and bring greater peace and breathing room to you and your family.

15. Everyone's different (and that's OK)

Don't hurt your head trying to figure everyone out. There are lots of different shades of people, all colored by their life experiences, culture, background, upbringing, and mental processes.

There are certain universal lessons (like this list) that all people can benefit from and should strive to live by, and a moral standard that most people already agree on, but all those various factors that make up who we are make it to where there's inevitably always going to be varying outlooks and opinions about most other things in life. That's OK, though, those are the flavors of life. It makes things fun and keeps them interesting.

You're going to inevitably run into people throughout your life who you'll disagree with or who you just won't be able to figure out. Seek to express compassion and understanding towards them and realize that oftentimes there's more than one answer to the same question. Especially, in the way one lives their life.

16. Master yourself

If a man wants to be the greatest possible value to his fellow-man, let him begin the long solitary task of perfecting himself.

- R. Davies

Self-control is one of the greatest factors towards achieving anything. From belief in your own ability, to the ability to motivate yourself, to the ability to regulate your emotions, and establish new habits, self-control is the Swiss Army knife of success in all things, and this includes finding peace and happiness.

Work, raising a family, spiritual practice such as meditation, and everything else requires self-control. The good news is 1) it can be developed like a muscle, and 2) it can be developed through what you already do in your everyday life (especially if you practice mindfulness). Pay attention to how important self-control is in your life and begin looking for ways you can flex it.

17. Love yourself

Life, at times, can be hard and beating yourself up won't make it any easier. You never got anything from beating yourself up, only more pain. Discipline and playing through the pain of life are one thing, but beating yourself up is a whole different story. That's never the right way to go about things.

Developing self-love and self-compassion is incredibly important to not only survive but to thrive in your everyday life. Mistakes are only natural, and so are screw ups. And then sometimes things happen that are completely outside of our control. No matter what it is, don't beat yourself up.

Love and compassion for others begin with you. If you can't truly love and show compassion to yourself then you can't truly love or show compassion to another, and what better place to learn and experience this than in your everyday life.

18. Your words are powerful

Your words can cut like a knife, heal like medicine, and motivate like nothing ever seen. So, choose them very carefully. In a typical day you have conversations will all kinds of people. The danger isn't really in normal activity, it's in those times when frustrations are high and anger or stress develops. It's during these times that you can end up saying things you'll later regret.

If this happens to you, take a few minutes at least to do something calming like mindful breathing or walking meditation. When you become so angry or stressed that you begin lashing out at others then you've lost control and need to take a step back to regain it.

Also, though, be aware of the positive effect your words can have as well. Sometimes some simple encouragement for someone in a tough spot can mean all the difference. In both cases, it's not difficult to begin thinking before you speak and always striving to converse mindfully, both with mindful speech and deep listening.

19. People are the most important part of your life

The most important thing in all of life are the people around us. Take care of the people in your life and appreciate them while they're here.

Watch how you spend your time during your day-to-day life. Do you prioritize your family or your career? Money or your children? That might sound a little harsh, but the reality is a lot of us do just that completely unconsciously.

Don't let life pass you by before realizing what's really important. Look around you, what really matters most and how should you alter your life to giving those things more of your time?

20. What you think you become

Your thoughts are one of the most powerful forces in your life. What you think about on a consistent basis really does have a significant effect on your life at large. It affects how you act in every way, from how you are with people to whether you take that leap of faith and go after your dreams or not.

Mastering your thoughts, which primarily rests in observing them nonjudgmentally, is one of the most important things anyone can do for themselves. By sitting in meditation each morning you can help the recurring thoughts you have floating through your consciousness to the surface. It's this simple observing that can heal most deep-seated thoughts and emotions and make them dissipate.

21. It's up to you

Warning: no punches are held on this one.

Nothing's going to happen if you don't get off your ass. We all work together to make the world what it is, but for the most part, you push yourself to take action. You need to learn how to motivate and push yourself to get to work and accomplish your goals.

There's no other way to put it. You could have an army by your side, but each morning it's you who has to push yourself to wake up, and every time you don't feel like meditating but you know you should it's you who has to push yourself to sit.

There are no shortcuts and there's no helping hands on this one. The best I or anyone else can do is to offer clear-cut guidance, you ultimately have to be the one to take action. It's up to you to make your life what you want it to be, and that starts right now in your daily life.

22. Be grateful

Do you have eyes? Ears? A mouth? Can you speak? Do you still have your parents? Children? I'm sorry to be so direct with you, but much of us get down over the smallest things when others are suffering over very real adversities. Take a second to look around you and realize all the great things about your life.

Most people think of gratitude with regards to what you have, but the most powerful use of gratitude is in realizing what you don't have, rather than what you do have. Are you disease-free? Hunger-free? Thirst-free? Free from daily threats of war at your very doorstep?

These are all things you probably never think about because they don't affect you. But think about it for a moment and realize how lucky you are.

23. You won't live forever (so appreciate life and live to the fullest)

Throughout this life, you can never be certain of living long enough to take another breath.

- Huang Po

From the time you were born to the time you began reading this sentence, the clock of your life has been ticking. This is something we all come to face eventually, but we usually ignore it for most of our lives until it's too late to do much of anything.

The fear of death is the most powerful fear known to the human race and the result is for us to either ignore it completely or to think up some story about how we can't do what we really want to do anyway. Your time is limited, so be sure you're not being held back by fear, your comfort zone, or a skewed sense of responsibility to something.

Watch yourself as you go about your daily life- do you feel the urge to do something different? Do you find yourself holding back from doing something? Do you ever feel uncomfortable? About what? The first step is to discover what's holding you back. But if you strive to live fully aware in each moment you'll begin to gain clarity, and that alone can be enough to overcome it.

By no means is this list exhaustive, these are simply the things I've found to be true in my own life, particularly the ones I've found to be the most life-changing. When you can live in a way that your everyday life becomes your greatest teacher, the learning is life-long and endless.

What unique pieces of wisdom have you gained from your everyday life? I'd love to hear them.

10 Rules to Live By From a Zen Master

I listen to a lot of audiobooks in my car. I listen to each book I read repeatedly, 5-10 times each in a year, as my focus is to absorb as much of the information as possible instead of to just race through it and absorb only, say, 10% of it.

It's for this reason that my reading list is honestly about a mile long. Some of my favorite audiobooks of all time are Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, D. T. Suzuki's What is Zen?, and Thich Nhat Hanh's The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching.

Zen Flesh, Zen Bones, a collection of Zen and pre-Zen writings, and one of my favorite books of all time, can seem impossible to read if you don't understand how Zen communicates.

The language of Zen, concerned with going straight to the heart of the matter, of realizing the ultimate nature of reality, can seem like nonsense. This is because the ultimate teaching of Zen, sometimes referred to as the "marrow" of Zen, is something which can't be accurately expressed in words.

Because enlightenment, the ultimate realization of Zen, is impossible to put into words, any attempt to describe it just ends up diluting or obscuring the essence of it. It's altogether ungraspable. As soon as you try to put your finger on it, it disappears.

It can only be personally experienced through non-rational, meditative contemplation and developing of one's intuition, and can take years to fully realize. Zen speak, therefore, becomes a seemingly nonsensical language that's meant to awaken something inside of you in order for you to receive this insight directly.

But does that mean it's useless to talk about Zen? Not at all. Zen focuses on practice, and the focus of Zen practice is to realize your own enlightenment, but there's much more to Zen practice than this. Much of the beauty and benefit of Zen practice can be communicated in writing.

Zen holds within it a wealth of universal "everyday" wisdom which anyone can use to significantly improve the quality of their lives. And these insights are more valuable than ever before. It's this wisdom that I believe is most valuable. And it's this wisdom that can change the world for the better. Whether you realize the highest awakening or not, what matters is how you live in this moment.

Below is a list of straightforward advice provided by someone of immense wisdom, with commentary from me on certain points that I'd like to elaborate on. ______________________________________

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10 Rules to Live By From the First Zen Master in America

Soyen Shaku (1860-1919), a senior teacher of the Rinzai school of Zen, is noted as the first Zen Buddhist priest to come to the United States.

In 1893 Shaku was invited to the World Parliament of Religions in Chicago. Organized by John Henry Barrows and Paul Carus, the 1893 World Parliament of Religions was the first official gathering of representatives from both Eastern and Western spiritual traditions. This gathering started interreligious dialogue worldwide and shines as a beacon of the possibilities when the world's religious and spiritual traditions work together in their common humanity.

Shaku's associates and followers believed at the time that it was beneath a Zen priest to go to a country such as the U.S., which Japan saw at the time as barbaric. Despite opposition from associates and followers, Shaku accepted the invitation. Without this invitation having been accepted, we probably wouldn't have received the wisdom of Zen in the United States until much later.

After arriving back in Japan, D. T. Suzuki, Shaku's senior student and the person who helped write his speech in English for the World Parliament of Religion, was sent to the United States. D.T. Suzuki would eventually become the most significant figure in bringing Zen to the West.

Below is a list of rules to live by that Zen master Shaku set for himself and lived by each day, until his passing on October 29th, 1919:

1. In the morning before dressing, light incense and meditate

Daily meditation, particularly first thing in the morning, is something I talk about often. I believe this is #1 on the list for a reason, as it's arguably the most important of the points.

I do want to say a word about incense, though. This might just seem like a traditional ritual, but incense has two valuable uses.

First, incense can be very symbolic. Zen Buddhists use incense as a symbol of the unity of all beings, of the potential of unawakened beings (when unlit), and when lit as a visual reminder of the impermanence of life. Incense is considered an offering, it's an act done with absolute selflessness and respect for life and therefore can be a very nourishing practice. Such a ritual, especially if done first thing in the morning, can help keep what's really important at the forefront of your mind.

Secondly, incense can actually help you reduce stress. Scientific studies on the use of incense have shown both good and bad results, the bad being long-term daily use can increase your risk of getting cancer. But if used sparingly, in the morning of an important day or at the end of a rough one, research has shown that it can help calm you and reduce stress. This makes for a nice pairing with meditation. You may not want to use them regularly, but you can put it into your bag of tricks to use sparingly.

2. Retire at a regular hour

I can't say for sure why he put this on the list, but I know why I believe it's important.

Your sleep schedule can set you up for success or it can wreak havoc on your mind and body. I have a consistent bed time every day, and I stick to it whether it's Monday or Friday. This is important to me because I've experienced before what a crazy sleep schedule can do to you.

By going to sleep at a regular hour each day, which for me is around 10-11 P.M., you breed consistency in your life, tend to your mind and bodies need for rest consistently and therefore are at your best each morning, and are all the more likely to wake up early in the morning- and the quality of your morning is a huge factor in determining the quality of your life.

3. Partake of food at regular intervals. Eat with moderation and never to the point of satisfaction

Most of us don't notice the effect that food can have on our lives. Particularly the way that we eat now in the modern age. Over-satisfaction is just around the corner for most of us, and abusing food has more than just physical consequences, it has very real mental as well as global ones too (it can serve as a sort of addiction, among other things). No one is more aware of this than a Buddhist.

4. Receive a guest with the same attitude you have when alone. When alone, maintain the same attitude you have in receiving guests

This one might sound odd, but looked at from the context of Zen, this refers to existing fully in the present moment. Receive a guest with your full presence, as if you were alone in your home working, caring for your children, reading an interesting book, or meditating. When alone, maintain the same attitude of absolute presence and attentiveness you have when receiving guests into your home.

5. Watch what you say, and whatever you say, practice it

Another thing that a Buddhist is very aware of is the power of one's words. Our words carry weight, no matter who we are. They can send someone in a downward spiral or they can raise them up and inject confidence in them. They can bring peace and they can spur on war. It's for this reason that we should be very careful with what we say.

The second part to this point is just as important. You've probably heard the saying, "practice what you preach", at some point in your life. The importance of this saying goes beyond the boundaries of culture and religion. What you say should be what you practice.

If you meet someone who doesn't practice what they say, don't listen to a word. If you don't practice what you say, better start now. The importance of this can't be understated.

6. When an opportunity comes do not let it pass you by, yet always think twice before acting

It's nearly impossible to know at this point completely what Shaku was referring to, but when he says to think twice before acting, I believe he means two things: consider if the opportunity is the right thing to do- if it's moral, just- and make sure it's the right thing for you specifically.

7. Do not regret the past. Look to the future

This point couldn't be more straightforward.

It might seem a little odd that a Zen monk would talk about looking to the future, but keep in mind that part of this list was probably worded in the context of advice for Americans at the time, who had no concept akin to mindfulness or living in the present moment, so I believe the important point is to not regret the past, let it go, and look forward.

8. Have the fearless attitude of a hero and the loving heart of a child

This is one of the points that struck me the most when I first read it. Zen can, at times, seem esoteric or disconnected. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Zen practice itself always exists right here in the present moment and therefore is inextricably connected to the way we act in our life as well as how we treat others.

When approaching our life- our intentions, our goals, our life's work, obstacles and adversity- we should do so in the same way that we'd imagine our favorite superhero growing up would (except for the part where they punch a car- not smart).

When dealing with others, whether in or out of confrontation, we should approach the situation with the loving heart of a child. A child naturally has great compassion, understanding, is naturally caring, and sees a homeless person on the street in the same way that they see a business person.

The real gem is to realize how to live with both at the same time- to live fearlessly, confident, and yet still altogether compassionate and loving of all those around you. Many succeed in one of the two, few succeed at both.

9. Upon retiring, sleep as if you had entered your last sleep

10. Upon awakening, leave your bed behind you instantly as if you had cast away a pair of old shoes

Number 9 and 10 both have a similar lesson: when you do something, do it will all your being. Don't treat anything as routine and mundane.

When you enter your room to go to bed for the night, treat it with the utmost importance. Don't check your email, don't turn on, or leave on, the T.V. Go to sleep completely at peace with the day, coming to terms with anything that has happened. Don't lay down to sleep with something racking your brain, let it go and be fully present for the act of laying down to sleep. Make sure there's a period (".") at the end of your day.

And when you wake up in the morning, do so with all of your being. Wake up immediately and never look back. You're fully awake right now in this moment and should act accordingly. It's a new day, a whole new 24 hours, so make the most of it.